Ain’t Got Time To Bleed
Writer: Andrew Shaffer
Illustrator: Steven Lefcourt
The premise of “Ain’t Got Time to Bleed” is 29 action movie characters are examined by medical professionals to determine what effect the various injuries they sustain throughout the movie would have on them, and if they would survive or not. The characters include several individuals who are in more than one movie (Luke Skywalker, James Bond, John McClane etc.), however the author just selected one film for those characters to review (The Emperor Strikes Back, Skyfall, Die Hard). Along with each page recapping the injuries sustained during the movie, there are also “additional observations” which often include psychological diagnoses, and a prognosis section for recovery time (or permanent or fatal injuries). Finally, there are pictures by Steven Lefcourt of each character with the injured areas highlighted.
This book delivered fairly well on what was promised. It’s definitely a book you can finish in one sitting, coming in at less than 70 pages with half of those being illustrations. The best portions were the less obvious injuries I’d never considered before. My favorite was Major Alan “Dutch” Schaefer from Predator (also the film the book takes its title from) whose additional observations section stated”Patient covered himself with mud to avoid detection… however, this could have caused his open wounds to become infected. Teanus, anthrax and necrotizing fasciitis (flesh-eating bacteria) are just a few of the main soil-related bacterial, fungal and viral infection possible.”
On the negative side, the idea can get a bit redundant, especially regarding the multiple fist fights (“Multiple fistfights. Superficial lacerations on face. Bruised knuckles possible.”), many of which are generalized. I think by stopping at one movie per character, the author missed a fun opportunity to see how some characters would survive over multiple films (Rambo, John McClane, James Bond, Bryan Mills, Ethan Hunt and others would lend themselves well for this). Still, for a 30 minute read this is good for several chuckles.
Nailbiter, Vol. 2: Bloody Hands
Written by: Joshua Williamson
Art by: Mike Henderson
Volume 2 of Nailbiter was a bit of a letdown from the first volume. The main culprit was story decompression as 2 of the 5 issues included featured what read like stand alone issues (featuring stories about a Beekeeper and a pregnant girl who wants her baby to be a killer). The issues that tied back into the main plot didn’t advance the overarching storyline much, with some further interrogations being teased and the Nailbiter acting creepier but not much else going on besides s religious guy rising as an antagonist. There’s also a weird Brian Michael Bendis cameo shoehorned in and a bus incident that would certainly be national news.
The art continued to be OK, but probably a step below most of the books I read on a month to month basis. The backup story at the end was certainly gross and shocking, but it also felt like a reveal that would have been better earned in the main storyline instead.
Invincible Vol. 24: The End of All Things (Part One)
Writer: Robert Kirkman
Artists: Ryan Ottley
One of my favorite ongoing comic series is coming to an end. I assume this is the Penultimate Volume of the series, as I know the ongoing series is ending and the title is “The End of all Things: Part 1.” This installment is coming off one of my absolute favorites in the entire series, and it’s obviously setting up the final conclusion so it read as a bit of a letdown compared to what’s come before or will likely come afterwards.
**Spoilers for Invincible up until this point**
The main conflict in this volume arises out of Mark’s grief for the death of a family member in the last installment, and his subsequent return to the conflict against Thragg and the conquering Viltrumites. Along with Atom Eve, he enlists Allen, his dad, Space Racer and a female alien whose name I don’t remember to come up with a plan to combat Thragg. The plan is clever in drawing all the other big Invincible characters back into the story prior to the big conclusion, however it is also pretty hard to believe Mark would be willing to risk the battleground becoming the one he ends up selecting.
Another installment, another (apparent at this point) major character death, however along with Mark’s prior relative, this one was pretty predictable in terms of casualties (let’s just say it’s a fairly superheroic cliche at this point). The most interesting parts of the story going on at the moment are Thragg’s daughter’s reluctance to blindly follow him, and Robot’s dual plans involving Viltrumite children and getting involved with the space conflict. I’ve been wondering how our heroes would deal with the seeming thousands of Viltrumites when every one that they’ve encountered on their own has been a match for everybody except for Mark, and this volume explains it away in not entirely satisfying manner. Basically, Thragg’s offspring are not fully powered up, so they’re easier to kill in hand to hand combat.
I’m focusing on the negative here, because the rest of the story has been so wonderful for fifteen years now that I’m very eager to see how Kirkman decides to end it. At this point, even a total dud or ambiguous ending won’t take this one off my list of great series to reread or recommend to others. Grading the series as a whole, it’s one of the bests. Grading just this installment, this was just OK.
Jim Lee’s C-23 #1-8
Created by Jim Lee and Brandon Choi
Written by Jeff Mariotte
Art by Alexander Lozano
Published in 1998
I had high hopes for this series because it came from an imprint that I loved (WildC.A.T.s, Backlash, Stormwatch, The Authority, Gen13 are all nostalgia filled trips down memory lane for me) and covers by Ryan Benjamin that fit right in with those other books. What I didn’t know when starting the series though was that this series was created as a tie in for a card game. I’m usually not big on media tie in series, as they seem to restrict the creative freedom of the writers or don’t have any real stakes taking place.
Once I got into the inside of the book I was immediately disappointed by the artwork. Character anatomy is pretty much not in the realm of reality, but not even in the fun comic book way of 90’s image comics. Torsos are a cross between the typical steroid visions of that era, but also have an affected by toxic waste vibe where they flow into necks, legs or breasts in weird ways. It’s particularly apparent on the female characters (of which there are only two that have any speaking parts, both are wanting to have sex with the protagonist) who look way less humanoid than I’m sure was intended by the story.
Speaking of the story… there’s not much there. The entire plot of eight issues can be summed up as an elevator pitch or back of a book summary for basically any heroes journey. Two rival races are at war, and the only person who can win the war is the man born to both of them. His father was killed by the leader of the evil race, and now he’s the secret heir to the kingdom for the good guys. I was going to stretch it out another sentence but that pretty much sums up all eight issues.
The setting is a mix between Avatar and Cyberforce, with the good guys being the organic Navi-like race and the bad guys being the cybernetically enhanced humans. So little happens in this series that it’s inexplicable that one of the only things that happens in the story (a prison break) takes place in between issues. In addition to the cardboard hero (Corbin), there’s a bad guy (Hemlocke), Scarab (a jealous brother), and the two females (one from each race) who want to have sex with Corbin (whose names I have already forgot).
I’m trying to think of a redeeming quality about this series, but the bad art, cliche story and forgettable characters are leaving me drawing a blank.
The Lone Ranger: Vindicated from Dynamite Comics
Writer: Justin Gray
Artist: Rey Villegas
Vindicated is listed as a standalone Lone Ranger adventure, or at least it lacks the number on the side of the trade paperback to indicate where it should fall in the reading order. I’ve read about all of the Dynamite line of this series, and I’d just recommend reading it after Vol. 8: The Long Road Home, which I believe is where it came out chronologically.
The story of Vindicated is that a small town bank has been robbed, and then the insurance money sent to the town is also robbed, and it’s possible that some of the higher ups in the town are all in on it. As far as originality, it’s fairly run of the mill and I have a feeling I’ll forget about it before I get around to reading the next Lone Ranger trade. The most memorable aspect of this volume is the attractive woman that takes an interest in our title character. The rest of the plot being go generic, the only place this book develops the characters in a meaningful way is showing how juvenile John is in his interactions with women. Even Tonto has to point out to him both when a woman is interested in him, and when he should beware of one.
Beyond those few scenes (which while funny, also have the negative result of making the hero seem less convincing as a credible threat to evil… maybe James Bond’s polyamory is on to something), the only parts of this book that really stood out were the fantastic art by Rey Villegas. Dynamite has always done a great job with the art on this book, and several pages reminded me of the great Cassaday covers from earlier in this series. There are some great pages in issue four involving a shooting display any a dramatic entry through a window that were as exciting visually as anything I’ve read this year. Unfortunately in the service of only a so-so story, it’s an overall forgettable installment.
Quasar #46-60 by Marvel Comics
Writers – Mark Gruenwald, Ron Marz
Artists – Andy Smith, Grant Miehm, John Heebrink
**Note, this review is for Quasar issues #46-60**
The final 15 issues of Quasar felt like an encapsulation of the things that made this an entertaining as well as frustrating series. Once again, Quasar gets pulled into a crossover that, reading this series on its own, leaves the reader with little understanding of the story line and even less invested in the outcome. Along with Andy Smith and Grant Miehm, John Heebink comes on board as artist for several issues and provided competent though certainly not flashy work. As the series wrapped up, each of the recurring characters got to complete their character arc: Makkori learned that being fast isn’t everything in life, Kismet found a purpose besides reproducing with Quasar, and Kayla…. well, let’s talk about Kayla.
I mentioned in my earlier reviews that the most enjoyable part of this series for me was Quasar’s development of a relationship with Kayla. Her character took a superhero twist at the end of the last batch of issues, which I didn’t particularly care for, but it ended up being the core conflict throughout these last 15. By my count, there was only one issue throughout this series of 60 comics that featured Quasar and Kayla on a full issue adventure together, and probably only 2 dates shown that the characters go out on. That’s pretty slim to hang the weight of a superhero story conflict on, and I think Gruenwald missed an opportunity to make the readers more invested in the characters and the relationship by never letting it appear on the page. (I say Gruenwald as he wrote 59 of the sixty issues, this last group of issues also features a standalone story by Ron Marz that was quite fun but is completely out of place with when it is taking place in the larger story arc.)
Still the payoff to the Quasar/Kayla arc ended up being one of the best issues in the entire series. Overall, I’d say because of the buildup to it, issue #58 was my favorite issue of the series, but because it required reading a lot of so-so comics to get there, the first three issues (#1-3) would be better reads as stand alone stories. As a Marvel Cosmic character, I’d agree that Quasar belongs in a lower tier than characters like Silver Surfer, Adam Warlock or Nova in terms of quality of stories and iconic appearances. His replacement with a female version in the Abnett and Lanning cosmic era was a good idea that has also not been capitalized on. Quasar may be destined to be a character that never becomes recognizable outside of fans of 1990’s comics, but I can’t exactly argue that it’s undeserved.
This is a review for Quasar issues number #31-45. This series has not been collected in trade beyond the first few issues.
Writer: Mark Gruenwald
Artists – Greg Capullo, Rurik Tyler, Steve Lightle, Andy Smith and Grant Miehm
The 1990’s get a lot of blame for the death of the comic industry. The speculator bubble is a big part of it, although for somebody who grew up reading the comics of that era it’s not anything I hold against the industry. Some of my favorite comics were the #1 issues from Marvel, Image and other companies that sold millions of issues to people that never had any intention of reading them. Another criticism is the over the top art and lack of good storytelling. Again, as a reader from that era, I thought the crazy art of guys like Liefeld or Dale Keown was a fun stylistic choice that made a few books stand out more on their own. The other major criticism of books from that time is that the issues took place in endless crossovers with other titles (and this is sill a criticism of Marvel and DC comics today).
This run of 15 issues of Quasar certainly had me lamenting the endless crossovers of the era. Issue 31 crosses over with the New Universe, issues 32 through 35 were parts 3,10,17 and Aftermath of the Galactic Storm crossover. At that point, we get two stand alone issues of Quasar before it ties into the Infinity War for three more issues. Once we’re clear of all those crossovers, the next few issues are dealing with a bad guy let loose in those issues by Thanos (the original Marvel Boy). Marvel Boy has the distinction of being one of the lamest designed and childish behaving characters I’ve ever read. Issue #43, picture above, features Marvel Boy and Quasar fighting in what is also in the running for the ugliest Marvel Comics cover I’ve ever seen.
What were the high points of this run of issues? A funeral for Eon hosted by a cult of interstellar beings whose purpose it is to mourn those that fall stood out to me as interesting and the type of cosmic originality I like best from Marvel. Kayla (Quasar’s secretary) continues to also be the standout character of the series, but possibly only because her story moves at a page or 2 per issue so we are always left wanting more resolution for her.
The art seemed to take a dive in this run of comics, and I’m sorry to point to Andy Smith as the culprit. If you can recognize Kayla before and after her haircut as the same character, you’re cheating. I’m on the fence regarding the change of Quasar from cosmic band wielding Green Lantern clone to generic strong superhero with Starbrand abilities. Neither is particularly original, but as I mentioned in my last review (on Goodreads under issue #25) Gruenwald was just beginning to create some rules for Quasar’s powers that gave him more depth and those have been thrown out the window. Only fifteen issues left in this series, hopefully it improves as so far it’s been a bit of a let down.